literature

alone, defiant.

Deviation Actions

ScaredAmbitious's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

they lie. saying that the
only thing to do when you
fall down is to get back
up is propaganda. i can
stay down here, if i want.
maybe i do. it's comfortable
on the ground.
bitch.

cliches can be fun, like
hula-hoops. but too many
tangle my legs and fuck
fuck fuck me up royally.
take your inspirational
elementary-school "we're
all special" bullshit
and shove it up your ass.
i'll find paradise by my
own route.

sighs are running laps
up and down my throat.
it's time for me to lay them
to rest and breathe deeply,
because i'm scaling a
mountain. my hands are
stained by dirt like shit,
and i know the sun is
waiting for me at the
top, but i want make sure
for myself, to make
triumph all that
sweeter.

(don't mourn for
me if i fall.)
i lovelovelove this. the title smacked me, hard, and i'm not sure if the stars circling my head are from that, or if they're buzzards waiting for my ideas to fall apart so they can pick my brain for scraps.

please excuse me for the craziness. enjoy and appreciate! :D

This was very experimental, and I'm surprised at how popular it is. Normally when I ask for constructive criticism, I ask for what I could've done better, but with this poem I'm really wondering what I did so well so that I can do more of it.

Was it the swearing? (I doubt it, but did you think it had a positive or negative effect on the poem?)

Or was it the theme?

Or was it the attitude and the strong voice? (As in, the personality of the narrator.)

Feedback is greatly appreciated, thank you so much! :D
© 2010 - 2024 ScaredAmbitious
Comments62
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ariya-sacca's avatar
I really enjoyed reading your poem! Very inspirational!